so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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