He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
