every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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