my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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