The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
