Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
