you traded sex for a burrito?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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