I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
