I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
