someone get that fucking seahorse.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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