ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
