This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
