Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
