Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
