You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
