thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
