Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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