saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
