We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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