My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
