You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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