life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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