Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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