So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
