Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
