Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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