I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
