I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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