I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
