I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
