Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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