On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
