im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
