I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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