the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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