We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
