i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
