i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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