hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
