Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
