No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
