Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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