Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
