Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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