I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
