mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize