It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
