saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
