dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
