News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
